crazywilliam999 wrote:
Hey all i have been looking for someone to play with and i have been finding that everyone is mostly playing 2 vs 2 in custom and everytime i get on i get kicked for not having a mic so does anyone still play 1 vs 1 anymore
Nobody really plays ranked anymore, with was all the good people. We've (and I'm not saying I am/was good... I'm bad. I'm talking about the community) let this game die slowly and after OG Slayer and all the 12 year old black kids left this game, nobody was entertained/had anything to laugh at so everyone pretty much left.
You could try unranked:
Lots of little 5 year old kids who think they're Gengis Kahn like to go Men of the West in Unranked games, bowmode your units, and quit right before you destroy their fortress.
Remember, though, the no rush rules: There are 3 variants - 40 year old Virgin Rules, 5 year old Rules, and DirtyDan rules.
*****
40 Year Old Virgin rules -
It helps to picture a nerdy kid with pale white skin, red, curly hair, wearing a torn polo shirt with intense asthma problems saying the following: We will 'tactically,' level up our heroes at the lairs, and then attack after <Insert Time Longer then 30 minutes, usually an hour or two> minutes.
The 40 year old virgin usually splits the lairs evenly, but if you're older then 10, he might try to swindle you out of lairs (IE, I get 2 spider lairs, you get 5 goblin lairs and 5 troll lairs). After the rush time is up, they generally all have armies composed of every damn hero available to their faction, most in the 4-7 vicinity with the most overpowered one at level 10. They'll waste all of their powers on your initial army so it helps to just send like 4 groups at them so they use army of the dead and have their partner gorgonoth spire the corpses 5 times. After this, they generally send in their heros and have no plan other then to level up their heroes and attack your fortress. The 'virgin-strat-killer,' as I've dubbed it, is a five-layer wall with armor upgrades and no arrow towers/gates/catapults surrounding a lone battle tower. The virgin generally will decide to assault the battle tower, but since he has no hero powers he will just mindlessly attack the wall until the arrow takes them out. Not recommended to put archers in the tower, because then the virgin will actually realize his heroes may be killed.
After he has taken the bait and lost his level 10 hero, he will generally quit without saying anything, and his 15 year old african american male partner will start to cuss you out and talk *** for about 5 minutes and laugh as you can't get into his base composed of 40 mordor fortresses. It is recommended to do a fake attack of one side, and laugh as your partner sneakily hauls one explosive mine in the middle of all the forts. Generally, it will destroy 2/3rds of his forts and he will call you a *** who plays lord of the rings and quit.
*****
5 Year Old Rules
It helps to not even imagine the voice saying these rules, as imagining such high pitched sounds can cause permanent loss to your hearing and/or eardrum ruptures.
HI GUYS NO RUSHING 15 MINUTES OK!?!!
The little five year old will generally build nothing but heroes and one overpowered unit, but will take a different approach. He will just mindlessly send waves at you and if he's winning, act like an Xbox Live Gangster (Copyright 2006 o ShanKs, all rights reserves), and if he's losing, call you a n00b for defeating him with non-overpowered units. They will generally focus on one unit that is slightly overpowered. For instance, if you are the goblins, and he's building nothing but Rohirrim, and you build ONE, and I mean ONE half-troll group, you'll hear, "OH MY GOD HALF TROLLS ARE SO OVERPOWERED YOU SUCK IF YOU HAVE TO USE HALF TROLLS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOUR SO..." etc. They will generally never stop attacking until they're out of money, which is a good time to attack them. As you enter their base, they'll complain about how you'd never beat them if they did some other strategy, or how they could do what you're doing etc, or how if they had money they'd beat you. Then after the game they'll look for some stat that they did better then you in (usually resource gathering, as they've memorized all the 100% spots and build them first because all they do is play no rush), and say, "HAHAHAHAHAHAH IM BETTER THEN YOU AT <Statistic>. Ignore this.
*****
DirtyDan Rules
It's best to imagine the most educated gangster you've met in your life saying the following, with N1GGAH in between 2/5 of the words used below. Also, spoken with occasional stutters and spoken VERY quickly.
Yo whussap <Your Gamertag> ok, basically (and I memorized this when I used to play with him. Seriously. This is EXACTLY his, hell, our, rules. Unranked is really noobish, btw, if you haven't already figured out.) we're gonna be playin' no rush 15 minutes with a 10 minute extension period if needed. Only heroes may cross the half line, and this is only to attack the neutral creature lairs scattered around the map. If you do cross this threshold, you may not attack their heroes EVEN if they attack you, or any of their buildings - only lairs. If you wall of their lair, you may not destroy the wall, but you may use a power to get into the wall without destroying it.
Basically, the two signal fires (the map is minihariath) have flags. If you line your cursor up with the flag so it's line is extended vertically on your screen and move up and down, this is the half line. You may not build past the half line, and any buildings/units past the half line are fair game, and if it is a unit you may not attack back if you are in the enemy's territory.
After the 15 minutes is up, y'all can qualify for a ten minute extension period and get 10 extra minutes to build if you're not ready (which everyone took, effectively making it 25 minute no rush).
After the rush time is over, everything is fair game. Thank you and enjoy your flight on flight R4P3.
<AVERAGE GAME TO COME>
*****
Unless any of the above sounds appealing to you, find people to play ranked with, or go break your disc in half and use it to slit the guy's throat who sold you this game or something.
[I was in] last stand and he went to teabag me thinking I was dead. I then knifed him in the taint.
