The case of the Errant E, by cluskevird

It had been a slow day at work so I was just finishing up my crossword puzzle when SHE walked in.  She looked Psyco, but I couldn't resist a good mystery.  I began to say 'Hey cupcake', but that was about as far as I got as my world turned black.  I woke up a good four minutes later with a wet compress over my eye and my world spinning slowly around.  I tried to focus, but things remained blurry.  She told me not to call her cupcake and that next time I wouldn't be waking up - I mentally jotted this down for future reference. 

"So, what brings a sw... err... what brings you out to this side of town?"

She told me of a mysterious figure that had been following her for the past three days and she wanted me to find out who it was.  The only clues she was able to give me was the strange mark on his hand in the shape of an 'E'.  Normally she would have been able to take care of herself, but she showed me that she too had an 'E' as well, with no explanation on how it got there.  I knew this could be the case of a lifetime, but a nagging little feeling kept me skeptical.  Ignoring the feeling I decided I'd take the case, I knew a few people with an ear to the street that owed me.  Now if I could just remember signing the contract that stated I took the case pro bono.

I would have followed her if my car hadn't been towed so all I could do was watch from the second story window as she drove off.  I kept my eye out for anyone that may have been tailing her, and I spotted the black car pulling out from a fast food joint and keeping its distance from Psyco's red vette. . .  or was that a Volkswagon?  All that detective training and I still couldn't tell a Yugo from a Ferrari.

I thought that I'd better get some work in so I hot footed it down to my old stomping grounds to look up some old 'friends'.  They had moved so I thought I'd better find some new ones and looked in the yellow pages for 'Informants'.  The first name I picked out was Deacon. . . though from other sources they called him Blade.  My first impression wasn't all that good since I wasn't watching my step and tripped on the concrete lip of the driveway.  I picked myself up and asked for the Blade.   Everyone laughed except for one person who came around from the oil barrels.

"Only my enemies call me blade and my friends call me Deacon... and you ain't either one."

My only exit out of the garage was blocked by three burly guys that looked liked the kind of people that got into a lot of car wrecks just for laughs.

"I was trying to find out about. . . .  E."  Sure I was scared, but at this point it was the only thing I could think of to say.  Usually I try for some bold witticism or just plain trash talk, but I don't even think I could have remembered my name.

"E?   Ummm... I don't know anything about no E so why don't you just skedadle."

The men were no longer blocking the exit and even though I could tell that I hit some kind of nerve, but I wasn't going to push my luck and backed out of the garage only to trip again. . .

What was it with E?  I'd have to find some more informants if I wanted to solve this.

Daily Journal:  I'm not feeling all that well since I've been pummelled mercilessly.  It seemed if E was this mysterious, then someone who knew about forbidden subjects would know what it was.  What I didn't realize that if you did something that was forbidden, you were smacked silly before you knew what had happened.  What was worse were the unwritten forbidden things that were in effect at this informant's place of business.  Perhaps I should have found a journeyman in the forbidden subject instead of a master.  Forbidden Master's first lesson was when I stepped over the threshold with my shoes on.  It just went downhill from there and I got no closer to discovering what E was suppose to be.  In fact, other than laughing... you guessed it... I got pummeled for even asking it.  Writing down the question didn't help either (I must have used the forbidden pen).  Tomorrow I'm going to try a different tack and hope my efforts are more fruitfull.

I got an early start on the day and decided I'd case Kitty's residence to see if I could get a clear look at this elusive 'e'.  Putting on my heavy duster and pulling the fedora down low, I stepped out onto the sidewalk and hailed a cab.  The third cab finally stopped and the driver told me that he didn't allow smoking in the car.  I pointed out that I don't smoke, that the ciggy was just for looks and I don't light it, but I went ahead and crushed it on the sidewalk anyway.  I gave the man the address and I could see him arch an eyebrow in the mirror before he pulled away from the curb and headed on his way.   Looking at the drivers card I could see his name was neda.  It sounded french to me so I asked him where he was from.  He said 5th and main - all the cabs come from there.  I tried to make small talk but it was a one-sided conversation on my part.  I mentioned I overheard something about an e-club - but the cabbie wasn't biting so I gave it up.

I was dropped off near the house and I paid the man, tipping him more than I should have - it happens when you give someone a large bill and they drive off without giving you change.  Luckily I wrote down the license number, I'd be getting back to him later.  the house was pretty impressive and I took a quick walk around the block to see if I could spot anything unusual.  The only thing I saw was a transient stumbling down the sidewalk, which is why the screeching tires took me by suprise.  What took me even more by suprise was that as I turned to see what all the ruckus was about, the transient used his bottle as a tuning fork and I felt unconsciousness hum over me.

When I woke up it was dark, and I was tied to a chair.  I had to be outside because I could see the stars, and the sound of water tickled the inside of my ear like a pianist playing Chopin.  Three shapes loomed around me and I think they had crowbars - I wasn't too sure and I was hoping I wouldn't find out.  One of them came closer and I could tell he was wearing a mask, and he told me I should just leave well enough alone.  A second one chuckled and told "glach" that he talked to much.  With that he kicked at the chair and I tumbled backwards into nothingness.  At least it was nothingness for about three seconds... The sudden chill of the water was not much of an improvement as I began sinking into the cold grip of a watery end.

I'm not sure if anyone  has ever tried to struggle while underwater, but it's all in slow motion and not much gets accomplished.  However, just sitting there (no pun intended) wasn't going to do anything either.  My hands were tied behind me and the ropes were tight.  Escape artists are good at getting out of situations like this but since I'm not an escape artist, my chances were dwindling quick.  My foot touched something.  If it was the bottom, then I was upside down and probably just floating beneath the surface!  Hope was there, but my lungs were hurting - I tried to nudge the bottom to get me going in a direction I hoped was the correct one.  I drifted. .  . barely.  Another kick and another seemed to be helping as I would get more contact with the bottom.  Blackness slowly crept along the peripheral of my vision which meant I had no time to lose and I kicked again and then gave a mighty push.  My head broke the surface and I managed to gulp some air before I went back under.  I tried pushing again, but this time I didn't move, the leg of the chair must have caught on something.  I tried to rock, I tried twist, but in the end it seemed that this was my last investigation.  My lungs, unable to hold on any longer released what little air was left and the darkness closed in.

It was funny really, being dead seemed to be a lot like being alive - but with much more pain, and coughing.  I opened my eyes to take in my surroundings and discovered a blurred face hovering over me.  I coughed some more and realized maybe I wasn't dead and somehow someone had rescued me.  I focused on the figure in front of me and rasped out a thanks. . .  She said that she was the wrong one to thank and pointed behind me.  Turning around I saw a guy with what looked like army fatigues on.  I began coughing again, but this time mostly to cover up the gagging.  I recovered (a bit) a little while later and thanked him.  Making sure I was okay, they said that they had to be somewhere and the next time I should be careful if anyone else should invite me to dinner.  The guy must have been military because I thought I heard the woman call him Major, but all I caught in her name was Trix. . . something.  It didn't matter at this point though,  I was still on the case - just a little damper, and still no leads or clues as to what the 'E' was all about.

After my unplanned swimming lesson, I decided to skip the office and just go home.  I made it to the front door and noticed something sticking from the crack in the door.  I pulled it free to discover it was a business card, however the strange thing was that it didn't have anything written on it.  Puzzled, I opened the door and flipped the card over.  I felt silly, I was looking at the back of the card.  The light came on when I flipped the switch and I was able to read the card:  Goverland's All Night Dance Club  -  3.60 cover charge.  I figured things couldn't possibly get worse than they already were so I took a quick shower and changed into something less conspicous.  The place wasn't too far away which was a good thing since I suspected the cab driver was in on the whole deal.  At the club the lights were bright and the music could be heard about two blocks away like the pulse of the city.  The door was guarded by a huge bouncer that looked like all he'd have to do is look at you to blacken your eye.  I strolled up to the entrance and noticed that the bouncers hand had moved to keep me from actually getting into the place.

"Reservation?"

I couldn't resist so I replied, "Yeah, but I was going to go on in anyway."  He didn't laugh.  "No reservation, no entrance."  I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on, so I pulled the card out again to see if there was something I missed.  The hand is quicker than the eye, because I swear the card just vanished into thin air.  However, the door now stood unblocked.  That was strange, the card WAS the reservation. . .  invitation. . . whatever.

Inside the sound was deafening and the different colors flashing made it hard to see what was going on.  I decided to step over to the bar.  Immediately a drink was put in front of me and the tender said 10 bucks.  I questioned him on this and he said it was the cover. .  .  10 bucks for the 360, everyone had to have one.  When questioned about what was in the drink he just laughed and told me I'd love it.  I put a 20 on the bar and the guy disappeared - I had a feeling I wouldn't see the change.  I turned around when I felt the hand on my shoulder - it was Kitty.  She was glad I decided to show up and wanted to know if I had turned anything up.  I tried to tell her but the music was just too loud so I had to shout. . .  three times.  She heard me on the third attempt, just like everyone else because at that moment the music stopped as I said "Someone wanted to see if I could swim while tied up."  Even though the music had started back up, the crowd parted as someone made their way towards me.  I didn't know at the time, but this wasn't just anyone, this was TheSomeone and he didn't like being talked about.  Whether it was the drink, or the head slam to the bar, or the 360 glasses that my face went through as I was slid down the bar, after I reached the end, I definately saw a ring of light.

From the floor I got a good long look at the ceiling.  The lighting seemed to form the shape of a hexagon and I could have sworn I'd seen something like that before.  Closing my eyes and tried to shake some of the cobwebs out of my mind.  I attempted to regain my feet and finally had to use the assistance of a barstool, which I sat upon when I made it up.  The way I was going, I'd be dead before I even got a clue to what this mysterious E meant.  But one thing my momma always said about me, I was too dumb to know when to quit - and I sure wasn't gonna get some sense now.

I figured this was just another wild goose chase, so I got up to leave and noticed the familiar face of the cab driver - neda.  He must of spotted me, because he made a beeline for the back exit.  I started pushing through the crowd to catch up to him.  If anyone knew something, he was certainly the one.  I hit the door and scanned the area to see where he went but I didn't see him.  He vanished like the morning mist in the sunlight.  I had enough of this, I was going home.  I didn't make it halfway across the street when the headlights turned on, and instead of freezing in the hypnotic glare, I dashed the rest of the way across the street and around the corner as the car barrelled towards me.  I wasn't taking chances this time, I ducked into the nearest alley and jumped a few fences to be on the safe side.  Luckily, the rest of the trip home was uneventful.

I got inside and just plopped on the couch and closed my eyes. 

When I opened my eyes again, it was well into the day and it looked like my place had been used as a temporary dump site.  I sat up quickly and then wished I hadn't since every muscle in my body felt like they had been on the losing end of a meat tenderizing hammer.  Fighting the pain, I checked to see if anything was missing, but it looked as if things were just rearranged.  I opened the fridge and looked at the completely empty space... whew... at least nothing had been changed there.

At this point the phone rang.  I answered it and was rewarded with a threat - something like 'leave it alone, E will only bring you trouble'.  I tried to ask who it was but by then the connection had been broken.  That was strange, I must be closer than I realized to the mystery of the E.  At any rate, I might as well pursue it since I was a glutton for punishment.  But first, I had to get to my other job that actually paid, and something told me that I needed this week's paycheck.

When I got into work the boss yelled at me as usual, something about deadlines - but I always pulled things together on time.  Lax was sitting at his desk and he looked up asking about the new black and blue look I was sporting.  I told him I was trying to find out about E.  He turned pale really quick and made a fast check left and right before spinning around and opening a drawer.  Producing an envelope he thrust it into my hands and told me that I don't know where I got it and then went back to work.

I was off the clock from my second job, but the envelope kept creeping into my mind while I was concentrating on work.  Well, at least I was trying to concentrate.  Numbers and parameters kept filling up my computer screen, mocking me like those darn smiley faces everywhere.  Call me paranoid, but stare back at one of those smiley faces... they know you're unhappy and they sit back and let you know that they know.

Dang, still another hour and a half to break.  I finished my updates and submitted the job - the printer began buzzing away like hornets around a hive that's just been hit with a stick.  Now I just had to finish up my progress report.  I began daydreaming again about how things would be a lot different if only I was a better detective. 

E

I looked at the envelope again.  Oh what the heck, I opened it up and took a look at the insides.  I shouldn't have been suprised, but darn near every  E word from the dictionary was on that list I took out of the envelope, including a few words I'm sure weren't.  Emancipated Emus?!  You know, I'm not even gonna try to figure out why that was on there.  I was tempted to reach for the dictionary, but the boss chose that moment to pop his head in and bellow for those reports.   I only had a half hour to do it.

I could tell that the story was getting off track, so I decided to make some phone calls.  The first was to tech support for the office.  Freddie answered, but everyone called him goose for some strange reason.  I asked him what a code E was and he told me I was a moron and hung up on me.  So much for that avenue.

Next I called some programmers up but none of them were helpful, though I caught one of them mumbling 'end users' in a condescending tone and I could just picture the shaking of the head back and forth.  The server guys were of no use either - either claiming they never heard of it before or saying they only worked on Oracle and then ignored me.  I could tell that I was making points with everyone this day. 

The rest of the morning was very uneventful so at lunch I headed across the street to the deli.  There in the window I saw him.... Neda.  This guy seemed to be everywhere.  I decided to have a little fun and snuck in through the side door to sneak up behind him... But by the time I got there, the seat was empty and everything was put away.... all except for a wrapper with something written on it. . . .    "watch your back" .

Someone suddenly bumped into me from behind which sent me sprawling over the table.  Well, maybe I should have paid attention to the note, but I wasn't expecting to have to watch my back so soon.  It must have amused the place because they were all chuckling at me and pointing.  I decided I needed to go someplace else for lunch... well, technically it was dinner, but working 2nd shift kind of messes with certain things.  Further down the block I went into a fast food joint where the food was as nutritious as a steaming vat of soggy cardboard and almost as tasty.  News must travel fast in this town since it seemed as if everyone knew about my little trip at the deli, but I tried to ignore it.

Back at work things didn't change, they must have been laughing at me for all the phone calls I made earlier about the E.  I passed Lax again and heard his gasp.  When I turned around his eyes were wide and he could hardly talk. . .  'the emus marked you' and then he practically ran towards his cubicle.   Marked?  he was definately losing it, but my paranoia began working overtime and I ran my hand where I could reach on my back only to discover a piece of paper.  I yanked it off and looked at it.     "Kick Me"   Well, the laughter made sense now - as well as the warning to watch my back... ha ha  very funny.  I went to ball the paper up and make a two pointer, but there was something else - a small symbol was on the back of the note.  There was an H and a 2 and then right under is was an O.  The O didn't look right though it was more elliptical and the left side didn't close all the way and in the center was a small dot. . .   I quickly looked around to make sure no one was around because I think I might have uttered the word 'Jinkies'.

Public transportation can test the patience of even the most mild mannered person.  This is why I tend to avoid this mode of transportation as much as possible.  Unfortunately I was standing on the bus being jostled by some guy trying to read a newspaper and a baby stroller some woman had next to her in the aisle where I was hanging onto a strap for dear life.  My mind kept going over the strange note earlier in the day.  H2O....  that normally meant water, but that didn't have anything to do with E.  Then it hit me...  the darn stroller, right in the shin.  As my eyes watered, I couldn't help but think of an old Weird Al Yankovic tune.  I needed to get off this bus at the next stop or else I'd probably do something I'd regret later.

I jumped out and noticed I was at the mall. . .   quite some distance from my place.  Oh well, I could use some exercise.  I was cutting through the mall when I happened by a store that sold some kind of games.  A game in the window caught my eye - Halo 2.  Talk about a lucky break.  The O looked a lot like the one on the note, so I stepped inside to ask questions.  Walking up to one of the employees, I didn't even get my question out - he just said "NO, we don't have any 360's and we don't know when we'll be getting more in."

That was just find and dandy, but I informed him that I wasn't into the fancy computer lingo.  I pointed to the game and asked him what it was all about.  He looked at me like I had crawled out from some rock that had been there since the dinosaurs ruled the world.  My luck sort of ended there, because I couldn't get any usefull info from him.  I'd have to find someone that was into the games and start asking questions  -  difficult questions.  Questions I didn't even know how to ask.

Eventually, everyone will hit an obstacle they just can't get around.  The language barrier between the real world and the world of gaming was mine.  FPS. . . RPG. . . NFS:MW . . .PGR3. . .frag. . . my head was spinning with all the acronyms flying around, and each time I'd ask for what one meant, meant one less person that would talk to me.  My options were getting fewer, and here I was, knee-deep in the story and no signs or where to go.  I suppose my luck was used up as well, because after spotting neda off and on for the past couple of days, there was no sign of him now.  Kinda funny if you think about it, most detectives get these kinds of breaks all the time - overheard clues, intimidation for answers, the occasional secret uncovered from a dropped book of matches.

I shrugged my jacket a little more tighter to help fight off the cold and went for the cigarettes.  There were three left, that should last me the rest of the year.  It was funny really since I didn't smoke, I still managed to go through two packs a year.  Hands in my pockets, hat pulled low and the ciggy hanging out at a perfect angle, I walked down the street hoping that something would kick-start my thinking process.  I was even reduced to checking out the newspapers for information.  It was the same old media slant that kept me from taking up that journalism scholarship way back when, but then I knew that it wouldn't change - people just love bad news.  I flipped to the back to see about used cars in the want ads, this walking was for the birds.

I almost missed it, but since my mind was preoccupied, it just homed in on the gaming.  "Xbox gaming:  Looking for players to compete in Halo LANparty - contact shreddies".  Okay, so it was a cheap way to get the story moving again, but at this point I'd take anything.

I contacted shreddies and asked if it would be okay if I could observe.  He was pretty reluctant at first, but I promised that I'd buy the pizza and he caved in.  When I got there, the place was busy.  People gathered around several tvs and all playing what looked like the same game, just from different perspectives.  I forked over the cash for the pizza and began my observation.  I told the host that I was thinking about getting one, but I didn't know anything about it.  I got a few questions answered and continued watching, occasionally moving to a different tv.  One was controlled by some women - and from what I could see, they were doing their fair share of dealing out punishment.  Someone mentioned that they were part of one of the best known clans out there, but the names of the gamers just slid right by me.  For some reason the clan name stuck with me, because all of sudden I just didn't want to cross any of them for fear of my safety.

I probably would have made it through that night if I hadn't mentioned 'E'.  Unfortunately I did and I knew the second that I did, my visit was over.  What I didn't expect was the heavy hand that landed on my shoulder.  Looking down I saw the letter staring back at me.   'E' was there and 'I' was probably 'O' so buried... 'U' would know 'Y'.

All E said was.... "I'm gonna have to kill you now, eh." .

Well, I always thought that I was lucky in some things, always land on my feet kind of luck - but nothing beats mad skills, and it took E approximately 10 seconds to kill me.  In fact, he killed me about 5 times before I figured out how to use the controller and move my guy.  Heck, I even killed myself once with a plasma grenade as it hit an obstacle and stuck to it about a foot away (I thought the trigger would shoot - guess I pulled the wrong trigger).  Yeah, everyone had a laugh and lots of comments about some kind of record. . . but I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something real bad was about to happen. . . . something bad to me.

"So. . .  what's the 'E' mean?"

You would think that I would have learned my lesson from the previous times I asked that question.  The silence in the house was overwhelming.  I practically jumped when the doorbell rang - the pizza guy was here.  From this point on things got confusing.  I seemed to have some big guys a little too close to me and e grabbed me by the throat.  A vivid image of Darth Vader flashed in my mind as I had trouble breathing.

"I take it that's a touchy subject?" I managed to gasp out.  A pizza box (opened) suddenly appeard where e's face should have been and I fell to the floor.  In fact, there was a mess of pizza.  Someone grabbed me and shoved me to the door.  Neda?  what was he doing here and why was he wearing a pizza delivery uniform?  I didn't have time to ask, I slipped out the door and headed for the street.  Neda was close behind and I almost fell down when I heard him speak.

"Get in the car!"  Hey,  his cab was idling at the curbside.  I jumped in and neda took off down the street.

Racing away from E and the house of shreddies, it dawned on me that neda tried to cause me bodily harm on more than one occasion.  Looking over at the cabbie, I saw him throw the hat outside.

"Hey, you aren't a pizza delivery guy!"  All he did was smile.  Even as he did this, the smile wasn't a humorous smile, more like an insane, I'm gonna dump your body in the nearest ravine, smile.  The fact that he kept checking the mirrors didn't help things much. 

"So, why are YOU trying to kill me?"  His smile faltered.  "Kill you?  I'm saving your sorry self!  You never would have made it out of that pond if I hadn't been able to get Trixie and the Major out there.  AND when you go walking out of a strange club - you really should make sure no one is following you, if I hadn't driven him down, you never would have made it home that night."

Since he was the one that pinned the note to my back, I figured he knew what the E stood for, and I asked him, but he couldn't. . . or wouldn't tell me.  He finally began to relax and slowed down to a stop and told me I should be going now.  I wanted answers, so I didn't move - I was going to pump some sort of information out of him even if I had to. . .   Well, at least that's how I started my thinking process, but staring down the barrel of well oiled gun tends to disrupt the thinking process.  I suddenly rememberd that I needed to make a quick trip to the dry cleaners and stepped out of the cab and he took off in a squeal of rubber on asphalt.

Man, you would have thought he would at least dropped me off closer to where I lived .

I looked around and realized that I sure the heck didn't know where I was.  I figured that if I walked around long enough, I'd eventually find some kind of familiar landmark or street name.  However, around about dawn with my eyes stinging and body aching, I was still no closer to finding where I was. . .  some call it the typical male syndrome (TMS) for not asking directions, but to be quite honest, there didn't seem to be anyone around TO ask.

My stomache began to rumble and I could have sworn I smelled cookies...  chocolate chip cookies at that.  Great, now my mouth was watering.  Finally, I turned a corner and saw a gas station.  About time too, for sure I'd be able to find a map there.  The attendant sported a name sewn onto his shirt, but seeing the word 'EV1L' on it gave me reason to hesitate.  I recovered and asked him if he had a map since I seemed to have wandered a bit too far.  Luckily, he had a variety of maps and suggested one in particular because it was more helpful than the others.  He heard my stomach clammor for attention.  I excused myself and told him I hadn't eaten since yesterday.

Hollering out to the car bays he got the attention of one of the mechanics.  EV1L told me that Boid here could tell me a great place to eat in this neighborhood.  Boid was more than happy to direct me to a diner that was just a couple of blocks away.  I was almost back on my way, when I stopped and asked one more question. . .  

"Do either of you know where I can find a game shop near here?"

The diner was located around the corner from the gas station, and just like Boid said... great food.  The gal that brought me my coffee was Gib, and she reminded me a lot of my aunt in the fact that she'd put up with only so much, but if you got on her bad side  -  look out.  Probably had the aim of my aunt too - probably could hit a fly at 40 yards with nothing but rubberband.  People would wonder what useful purpose this served, but once  you could do that - there was no missing the back of a misbehaving nephew's head with a shoe.  I even found myself rubbing the back of my head on occasion just from the memory.

I spread the map out before me and noticed right away why EV1L liked it - everything was labeled well.  State building were blue, schools were red, and the shopping malls were green.  There was even a table of distances in the corner.  I found where I was and where my place was.  I began thinking though, I was probably being sought out.  If I went home, I'd surely run into trouble.  I was going to have to find a place to crash out for a few days.  I would have stayed with family, but they were in a different state.  Actually, when I say different state, I mean of mind, they had been institutionalized three years previously...  I never believed them when they said I drove them crazy, just thought it was rhetorical theatrics. 

I then recalled a person from my past that would probably put up with me for a week or two.  Litheon worked at a sound studio - Esko's Echo.  Sure, I still owed him some money, but he surely wouldn't turn his back on me.  I had to laugh at that one, yeah he would.  I was going to have to pay him back and then kick something in for interest.  I paid my tab and left a nice tip for Gib and then headed off to collect my bribe.

When I got to Esko's Echo, I was suprised to see the owner there.  Esko made sure to 'remind' me that I'd better not break anything this time.  Sheesh, have one little altercation and he treats me like it happens all the time.  I tracked down Litheon and before he could walk away or cause me bodily harm, I flashed some cash.

"Sorry Lith, but things came up...  Here's what I owe you."  Sure, ten years too late, but it's the thought right?

"What do you want this time?"  Dang, was I that transparent?  I let him in on my situation and I could tell that he wanted to tell me no.  I rattled a bag that I had been carrying.  "I brought bribes."  he looked at the bag, curiousity eating away at him like the salt air does to a car - you don't really notice it at first, but then it's corrosion party.  I let him look in the bag and his face lit up like a flashlight on a dark night.  It didn't take much to convince him to get the rest of the day off (Esko turned a nice shade of red, but I reminded him that I didn't damage anything).

Getting to my new home for the next few weeks, I took the Xbox out and he helped me set it up so we could settle into some serious gaming, while I "worked", looking for clues in Halo2. . .

I wasn't sure which would be the best way to play the game, so I got everything I could get... Halo, Halo2 and the Halo2 Multiplayer pac...  It took a good many hours to get the hang of Halo, and with the help lith, was able to get well into the game - but either I wasn't paying attention, or I was just enjoying the game too much, I never saw any clues to the mysterious E...  Even after the last gun and run (or is that run and gun?).... nothing.  I even played some of the deathmatches (I lost pretty consistantly).  I wanted to plug in the second one, but my body was on the verge of shutdown and lith had to get to work soon.  Wait a minute... what happened to the weekend?!  I checked a few sources and realized that I had gotten so Engrossed that days had gone by!  I crashed. . .   crashed hard and when I woke up, it was Tuesday.  So much for my job. . .  Just to cover bases I called in and got chewed out, and after I told the boss my situation he told me that he hoped they found me and hung up.  What was I going to do?  If I put in the 2nd game, who knows what would happen...  This is where I believed I'd find the answer...  I couldn't resist, it was futile and I plugged in the second game.

I instantly knew that things were different... I now could hold two weapons at once.... sweet.  I was still on the first level when litheon got back... he called me a few choice names and quickly ordered some food and we started over so he could play.  It brought us to the deathmatch.  We had to read the manual to figure out the co-op... another change.  And here we thought that the first one was the combat evolved. . . this one was even more evolved.  Despite the danger of missing work, we played well into the night.  For three days we fought off the Flood as human and covenant.  Certainly the ending couldn't be right. . .   it just couldn't.  That was just too cruel.

I then held up the last game. . .   just this one left.  I turned it over to the back and there staring at me were three words. . . . E words. . . . 

I told myself it couldn't be that simple and realized that I wasn't accomplishing much here.  Despite the danger I needed to walk.  I took a trip outside and decided that I was going to have to go to my detective office.  I reached the place and noticed the mess.  Someone had torn it apart looking for something.  Evidently this had happened some time ago, because when I stepped inside I heard someone tell me to freeze.  I quit moving and waited for further instructions.  A cop with his gun trained on me stepped into my vision and quickly patted me down with one hand while keeping me frozen with the gun.  He got my wallet and asked me some questions.  Realizing I wasn't a threat, he holstered hiw weapon and began trying to figure out what was going on.

I found out that one of the cleaning crew had found the place like this and reported it.  it happened two days ago and since then the police had the place under a close watch.  They asked if anything was missing, and I had to laugh since there was really nothing TO be missing.  However, I did find an envelope that hadn't been there before. 

The Officer's name was Thanatos and he offered some friendly advice that perhaps I should leave the detective work to the pros.  Flatfoots. . . they were all the same, unable to give a gumshoe an even break.  I figured they'd be following me when I left the premises, so I tried a few tricks to shake them off.  For some reason, nothing worked - perhaps it had to do with them knowing my place of residence.  I headed there because I wanted to know if there was a break in there as well.

From the outside everything looked normal, and even when I went inside things seemed in place.  I scratched my head at this since usually things get trashed in every detective novel I'd ever read.  I snuck a peek at the envelope I had lifted from my office and saw some photographs inside.

There were about 13 photos in the envelope.  It seemed that each one was taken at a particular place, but I didn't recognize the landscape.  It had to be around here somewhere, but nothing on the pictures gave me any other clues.  Except for the last one. . . yep, Lucky 13 - it showed a picture of a Large Jaguar off to one side.

Suddenly from outside, raised voices could be heard.  I crammed the pictures back into the envelope and secreted the manila container into my inside jacket pocket.  I opened the door only to hear "... tell mom if you don't knock it off!"  I don't know who Thanatos was yelling at, but I started having serious thoughts about his sanity.  He turned around and saw me.

"Ah, sorry about that.  Here's your wallet."  I didn't even notice it wasn't where it should have been.  I replaced it in my pocket while he took out a pad.  "Sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you earlier, but if I can ask a few questions."  He said it in the form of a sentence meaning he wasn't going to wait for my permission.

"Umm, not to offend, but I already answered your questions Officer Thanatos."

He chuckled slightly, "No, I'm Thalanos.  You talked to my twin brother - he's not exactly a cop, but he likes to cause confusion.  I had a tough time getting your wallet back since he's known for being a klepto."  I looked at his tag and noticed that it did indeed say Thalanos.  The questions were almost like the ones at the office, and he inquired if everything was in place inside.  I assured him things were okay and with a smile and a good day, he turned back to his squad car and slowly drove away.  Things just get stranger around here I told myself.  All I had to do now was figure out who would know where to find the Large Jaguar. . . . .

The name EV1L came to mind and I made a mental note to visit the gas station again at the first opportunity.

Note to self . . .  when walking down the road in the dark, pay attention to the surroundings. . .

I held up the lighter for the fifth time, but things hadn't changed since the first time I lit it, I was still in the trunk of a car.  The side of my head was still tender, but at least the throbbing had subsided a little so I was able to think a little bit clearer.  I had no idea where I was, but I did know that the car was in motion.  My destination was unclear, and I was hoping that it wasn't going to be a short trip to the bottom of some watery place.

I hit my head again when the car hit a pothole or a curb, but at least now the car was slowing down and then came to a stop.  Whoever had stuffed me back here must have gotten to where they were headed because I felt the car shudder as a door was slammed shut . . .  that meant only one person... the second door slammed shut... okay two people.  I should be able to... two more doors slammed shut.  Dang... too many people to fight off, I was in over my head here.  I fully expected the trunk to open and then the punishment to start, but no one retreived me.

After a couple of minutes I took the lighter back out.  Yep, everything remained the same.  It was at this point I did notice something I hadn't seen before though, the little sign that explained about the safety feature to prevent being locked in a trunk.  At least things were looking up!  I pulled the little lever and the POP of the trunk made me cringe.  I quickly grabbed the trunk latch and held it down so it would appear that it was still closed.  Still no sounds of running feet or raised voices.  Slowly I pushed up the trunk and looked around... It seemed I was at some car repair place.  Hey, this is where I questioned deacon blade way back when...  what the heck was I doing here?

I stepped out of the car and collapsed on the ground since my legs had fallen asleep some time ago.  I dreaded the anticipation of the pins and needles that I knew were on the way.  Still I saw no movement or heard anything.  I eventually got to my feet, teeth clenched in pain and I closed the trunk as softly as I could.  I Limped over to the wall and picked up a crowbar just in case I may need it.  Common sense said to find an exit and depart the premises, but I'm a nosy person and I wanted to find out where everyone was and see if I could overhear anything.

Most garages are simple affairs consisting of some work bays, front office and then maybe a back room or two... This place seemed to have an upstairs and more than a few doors.  I listened at each one before opening them and looking inside.  It appeared that the place was empty.  I was contemplating why the place would be deserted with me supposedly in the trunk of a car when the explosion occured.

Today's episode is being brought to you by Echelon - used by those that need that extra step up and preferred 3 to 1 over Heirarchy....  That's Echelon - taking you to new levels.  And now available in 3 new military styles!  That's Echelon - get yours today . . .

 

When I woke up I wondered where I was and why I was smelling burned hair, and then it all came rushing back to me.  Sitting up I noticed that things weren't looking all that great - in fact, I could just barely see anything from my left eye.  My clothes were smoldering here and there, but a few rolls in the dirt took care of that.  It didn't seem like anything was broken so I stood up noticing that I suddenly got all woozy.  It was here that I realized that all I could hear was a dull ringing in my ears. . . in fact, I couldn't hear anything else!

I didn't know where I was or where I was going, but I knew that I had to get out of the area if I didn't want to end up answering questions downtown as an arson suspect.  From what little I could see, I began walking/staggering towards where I thought looked like downtown.  I was gonna need some help here if I was going to evada pursuit by the law AND by those that were trying to keep my quiet. . . the only problem I had was I didn't know who I could trust at this point.  I don't know how far I walked, or when it was I collapsed - all I remember is someone helping me up before I blacked out once more.

Usually when you wake up, you recognize  your surroundings - unless one of three situations have occurred...  1) too much to drink the previous night  2)  Someone suddenly throws a bag over your head, throws you in a van and then in some kind of holding cell, or 3)  some sort of head trauma.  Whereas I was hoping for #1, I had to settle between #2 and #3.  My head was hurting pretty bad so I was leaning towards option 3.  However, when I opened my eyes, option 2 seemed like it might be getting equal billing.  Things were looking very religous - either I was abducted into some kind of cult, or my head trauma occurred near a local place of worship.  My fingers were crossed for the latter choice...  I didn't look good with a shaved head and wearing robes.

When the door opened, I still didn't know the answer to my dilema.  A small man (wearing robes... and yes, his head was shaved) came in with a small bowl or what looked like oatmeal and a glass of water.  I tried to ask him where I was, but he shook his head.  Maybe he didn't understand me.  I tried again, this time using hand signals as help.  He produced a small slate and a piece of chalk and wrote something down.

"Shut up or I will strike you with a loaf of bread."  I decided to stop my questioning and he produced a loaf of bread from his robes (okay, I'm getting a little stronger feeling of cult status here) and he breaks off a piece and places it in the bowl of oatmeal.  He then pleasantly smiles and bows out of the room.  Oh well, I'm hungry and there's food in front of me, so I decide I'd better eat it (Who knows when Luke Breadbeater will be back).  Though there wasn't much taste, it did seem to fill a hollow space in the general vicinity of my stomache.

After about a half an hour, the door opened again and someone else entered.  "Ah, and how are we feeling today?"  Evidently I should be able to speak with this one.  "Not bad, but I don't understand where I am."

"Well, you are at a small monastery near the outskirts of town.  We found you outside collapsed and looking like you'd been through a rather large meat grinder so we took you in to help you in your time of need."

"I appreciate that, but what's with the guy with the food that wrote out for me to shut up?"

"That's Catalina...  unfortunately, she's working through some anger issues at the present time.  She has taken a vow of silence in order to help her out."  He then proceeded to tell me that I'd been out of it for about a week and that it was the first day of the new year.  I was also informed that I could leave any time I wanted, but I was also welcome to stay until I regained some of my strength back.  I told him that I would like to stay, but I needed to help a young lady and solve the mysterious 'E' dilema.  He seemed disappointed, but fully understanding and told me that if I ever needed any help, that I could call on him.  I think my hearing was still impaired - because he told me  his name and I could have sworn he said Atomicow....  but it could very well have been Adam Itkow.

When I stepped out into the street I just knew that something was different.  It's an instinct that a PI gets after working more than his (or her) fair share of cases.  I was still in a lot of pain and I discovered I lost the pictures.  I grabbed a newspaper out of a trash bin and discovered that the explosion last week was being attributed to a gas leak and an errant spark.  It also stated that no injuries were reported though but property damage was total.  I was just amazed that I'd been close enough to a big enough window to escape death.  In a small blurb on the back page I noticed that I was missing and local authorities wanted to question me.  I looked at my reflection staring back at me from a picture window and was satisfied that I didn't look like myself at the moment, at least that should make me missing for a little while longer.  That was when I noticed something else in the reflection.  Just behind me I saw Kitty walk past me.  It was at times like this that I was glad to be the author of this and could just move the plot along with a simple sentence based on coincidence.

After she had passed me, I turned to follow at a comfortable distance.  I kept the newspaper just in case I needed to look casual.  Two blocks away she entered a shop.  When I got to the store, I peeked into the window and found her.  I also noticed that the E was gone!  What kind of game was she playing at?  If she no longer had an E, then was I still trying to get to the bottom of the mystery?  While deep in thought a hand grabbed my shoulder.

"Okay buddy, keep it moving, eh... We don't like peeping Toms here."  The cop was using his no nonsense stare at me.  It was here that I realized that I had been staring into a lingerie shop the whole time.  Blushing bright red, I appologized and went along my way, grateful that he hadn't recognized me to take me in for questioning.  Crossing the street I stepped into a cafe and sat down at a booth and took out my notebook and pencil.  I began to jot down some notes. . .  I was going to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

 

With one eye waiting for Kitty to emerge from the shop across the street and one eye on my notebook, I began to casually write down some E words. . .

Editor.

Expert, E, Elite, Elderly, Enlightenment

Engineer, Exclusive, Executive

Extraordinary, Eraser, Experimental, End user, Electronics, Engagement, Evolve, Experience, Erotic

With those words written down I felt nothing from them and just crossed them out, noting that none of these words actually captured the E feeling...

I was going to start writing more words down, but I noticed that Kitty had finally exited the store so I decided to tail her some more to see if I could uncover any new developments.  I was halfway out the door when I noticed e.  He didn't see me, but I didn't want to chance anything.  I ducked back inside and watched through the glass.  I was shocked to say the least.  Kitty actually waved and ran into his arms.  Not exactly what I was expecting from someone that hired me to find out about her stalker.  What could it mean?  What should I do?  Was I still on the job?  So many questions and still no closer to the answer.  One thing was for certain, I was too dumb to know when to quit... I was going to get to the bottom of the E mystery if it killed me. . . and quite frankly, it almost did - twice.

It's funny how two totally unrelated items will sometimes find a way to come together. . .  sort of like chocolate and peanut butter.  I was getting ready to delve into this mysterious E thing again when I saw her.  Running down the sidewalk, she produced a loaf of bread - probably sourdough - and proceeded to pummel e.  There was very little he could do since he never had to protect himself from bread before (or so it seemed) so only managed to get his arms up to try to cushion the blows.  Kitty, on the other hand, had disappeared without me being able to see in which direction she went.  It was a thing to see, e trying fevently to get into his car while being clobbered.  In fact, I believe I had actually stepped back outside and started laughing at the spectacle.  The beating ended when Catalina suddenly subsided her attack and quickly looked in my direction.  Finally free of the onslaught, e got away and took off down the road as Catalina began running towards me.  No longer laughing I decided this might be a good time to start making tracks.

"It's that crazy lady from the monastery, RUN!" was about all I could get out (along with about three steps) before I felt the grab on my jacket.  Fearing a brutal encounter, I slowly turned around waiting for the crusted deluge of whacks to my head.  Instead I felt something being thrust into my hands.  Opening my eyes I noticed the manila envelope that held my missing pictures.  Putting them away I congratulated her on her mastery of Tae Kwon Dough and that if she ever decided to teach I'd be happy to learn the style.  With a nod, she turned around and headed back the way she came.

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath and at this opportunity decided that it would be okay to start breathing again.  Sure, people were staring at me, but at this point I figured it beat having people staring at me while I was laying on the ground with my nasal cavaties blocked up with bread.

The pictures reminded me that I was on my way somewhere before I was rudely blown up. . .